On a recent stroll along one of the finer beaches in Lovely it was drawn to my attention that there have never been any fossilized remains found within our shores. This had one wondering – is it possible that those learned gentlemen of science who promote the theory of Evolution could be wrong all this time?
As a firm believer in the good book I have often wrestled with the conflict between the teachings of modern science, and those encapsulated within the pages of the tome that has set the standards for how we should all live. I speak of course of the Reader’s Digest Anthology of 1954.
Within the beautifully bound covers of this volume are instructions on all aspects of life, from how to deal with the beginning of a new life, to laughing at one’s misfortunes, to the sadness brought by the death of a loved one, and in between, the pleasure that can be gained from a good meal, and examples of some of the finer works of fiction of our time. One can find all one needs to live a life of true virtue and solace within these pages.
It has always been a source of concern, however, that the book by which I have lived my adult years describes the origins of man in entirely different terms to the accepted norm of modern science. Those men in white coats would have you believe that, by a process of natural selection, man has evolved from lower forms, which in turn were begat by even simpler life, stemming back to the dawn of time. The Reader’s Digest, however, describes how human life on Earth truly came about. In an article by that esteemed author, Edward Van Halen, it is revealed that Man exists purely as a form created by an ancient alien species who visited our beloved planet some 83 years ago. These aliens have the power to mould the very substance of the Earth in to living beings, hence their informal title – The Gods Of Rock. It is mine, and most right thinking people’s, firm belief that the Theory of Evolution is an outdated idea of pure bunk, from the addled mind of old fogies who cling on to their beliefs as a child clings to a security blanket.
I implore the Citizens of Lovely – look with your own eyes, see the lack of evidence for Evolution, question the learned wisdom of your youth, and listen to the teachings of Van Halen and the Gods Of Rock!
General (RetD.) Oswald T. Disgusted of Onebridge Tells
Dear Sir, On a recent holiday fro Lovely I found myself on a stroll through one of the prettier towns in England,and thereupon,stumbled across many occurrences of the same phenomenon. I was propelling myself along the walls surrounding the City of Chester,admiring the landmarks,and the wildlife,and was struck by the appearance of many,many stickers,all with the same cryptic message... ...Stilton I found these stickers on walls,on bridges,on signposts,and most notably on the wonderful clock that acts as a centrepiece in the main shopping precinct of Chester.I found their placement slightly puzzling,and entered on a quest to locate as many as I could,in order to answer the conundru of why there were there and what they were for.I also tried to taste as many of the stickers as was humanly possible,but a afraid to report that none of them produced the flavour of the King of all Cheese upon my palate. By testing each sticker for firmness of attachment,and sensing that many of the stickers had been freshly applied,I was able to trace the path of this blight fro the end of the route,near the town clock,to its source.I hereby state for the record that I now know the source of these stickers to be...The Cheese Shop,Northgate Street,Chester!(My web monkeys tell me that apparently this "link"will allow you to see a map of the location - http://snipurl.com/ptyg) I can find no other explanation other than the proprietors of this shop are advertising their wares through subliminal advertising,encouraging the residents and visitors to Chester to try the majestic taste of Stilton,and revel in its delights.I for one applaud this action,and encourage all citizens to look out for further cheese related advertising,and report sightings to your fine organ,The Guardian Angel. Yours Cheesily, Colonel (Retd.)Oswal T.Disguste of Onebri ge Tells